I’ve had some interesting conversations with a few different friends and a couple of family members lately. These conversations have caused me to self reflect more than usual and I’ve had a bit of a surprise creep in in the process. …I’m finally becoming okay with myself. I mean, yes, I have a large list of flaws and plenty of things to improve upon, but overall, I’m good with who I am, at the core. Normally this wouldn’t be shocking or Earth shattering news, but this is a whole new world for me…and I’m liking it.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a long track record of being a people pleaser. I still fall prey to it now and then, but it’s not nearly as prevalent as it used to be. I used to trick myself into thinking it wasn’t that I cared what people thought of me, but more about how I made them feel. If they thought I was mean, it only bugged me because I didn’t want to make them feel bad, not because I was worried they thought I was a wench. But let’s be real, of course I didn’t want to be seen as the Wicked Witch of the West…or is it East? You get the idea… Cackling laughter, pointy hat, and all that jazz. I think most people don’t want to be viewed in a negative light. But, I’m finally coming to a point in my life where I really don’t care anymore. A few personal situations have helped me come to terms with that recently.
Yes, I want to be a good person. I want to help others. I want to be able to make a positive impact on people’s lives, but finally it’s not because I want them to like me. My personality type isn’t necessarily going to click with everyone…and you know what? That’s ok!
Maybe it’s because I have so little energy anymore with three kids, a husband in school, and living in a constant construction zone, but I want to make sure I’m focusing that minuscule bit of energy that I have in the right places. On the right people.
This revelation hit me out of nowhere and it’s absolutely freeing. …Now I’ve just got to work on accepting the outside parts of me, but this gives me hope that I can.