Endure to the End

Enduring a second degree accelerated BSN program (or being married to someone going through it) is similar to pregnancy. In the beginning you think, “Holy cow! The end is SO far away!” The overwhelming mountain of information and the unknown details that lay ahead engulf you and stress ensues, but soon the rhythm of everything falls into place. One day, you find yourself eating Ben & Jerry’s thinking, “I’ve got this. It’s a piece of cake.” …and suddenly you’re craving cake. BUT, that’s a story for another time.

 Then, before you know it, you only have a month and a half left! The end seems so close, and yet, so extremely far away. People point out how little time you have left and you wonder if they realize that’s ALL you think about now days. 

 And finally, that last week and a half is left. Much too late, some crazy nesting (insert panic mode) kicks in and you somehow find yourself waist high in forgotten tasks and unfilled goals. Prayers fly up every night that things can go smoothly and you’ll get to enjoy the sweet relief of it being over (although, knowing full well that another stressful adventure lays ahead). 

SO, here we are. Finally at the end…of this step in our plan. There’s only a week left and we’ve both been a bit on edge. I feel like a single mom most weeks, although I know he tries so hard to help with the kids. These past few days have been especially difficult since I decided it was of the utmost importance to finally finish our living room and dining room. Timing could be better, right? Ugh. I think it started as a distraction for myself because with the stres comes distance from each other (although temporary, I know-it still sucks). However, all it did was magnify that stress and create a place where no one can relax. Hmm…I didn’t think that through very well. But, now we’re mid wax and the only way to remove that hot wax, clinging to your hair, is to yank it up (the bandaid analogy is so overused..). 

Have you ever watched Extreme Makeover: Weightloss edition? Chris Powell takes his chosen person and puts them through rigorous training right from the start. In that first workout week, the client cracks and breaks through some emotional barrier that no one realized was there. I’m thinking this last month is my first workout. 

With this mountain of stress, I’ve been far less than a Pinterest worthy mother and my poor kids have had to take the brunt of it. You know when the words, “This is the last time I’m telling you to go to bed or Demon Mommy is coming out.” escape your lips, you might want to reevaluate your life. 

I’ve had hidden issues creep up inside that I thought I’d put to rest long ago or didn’t even realize were there. Suddenly that empty toilet paper roll on the dispenser (for the umpteenth time) becomes World War 3, your reflection in the mirror now resembles a weird crossover between a gargoyle and a homeless person, and those little bundles of joy turn into gremlins every day around 4 pm (how, I don’t know. I didn’t even get them wet!).

Then, in the wee hours of the morning, a wave of sadness and anger hits and things crash down on you. And then it happens, that wave breaks and the warm sun shines down on your face. So what if you had to shuffle like a crab with your pants half down to grab a new roll of toilet paper from the closet? At least you have toilet paper! And that grotesque creature staring back at you in the mirror isn’t all that bad. After all, you two have been through a lot together. Those rugrats may turn into monsters in the evening, but life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Yesterday, I sent my husband a text saying, “We can make it through this next week, right? 😫” 

…Yes. That’s a resounding yes now. One year down, a bajillion more to go! 

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